An Introvert In Love


Late night rant –  •An Introvert In Love•

Love isn’t how movies portray it. You don’t always find your knight in shining armour, and even if you do, it does not take just one song for him to fall in love with you. Nor does he magically begin to notice the girl who blends into the background.

Love isn’t all sunshine and romance, for everyone. Sometimes it’s thunder and lightening. Sometimes it’s cold and harsh.

And when an introvert falls in love, she falls hard. A chaotic, mind-numbing and all-consuming love. When you are used to the solitude and the silence, the sudden burst of colour in your black and white world is difficult to adapt to. But that doesn’t stop you from diving into the rainbow of feelings. And it doesn’t end there. For when you can’t bring yourself to confess to that very person, the feeling of being in the dark begins to haunt you.

The ‘what if’s and ‘what not’s cause you to spend sleepless nights. You begin to doubt yourself. Of course the love isn’t going to be reciprocated. I mean, why would it be? You’re you. You can’t even manage to say a few words to that person. Even the sound of their name makes your hands shake and butterflies flutter your stomach. Your heart begins a relay race. So how could you handle talking to them? You can’t. And how could they handle loving someone like you? They can’t.
Most people don’t understand how hard it is. They think introverts can just ‘get over it’, ‘just be confident’, ‘try this’ or ‘try that’. I wish it was that easy. I really do. Maybe then, we wouldn’t have to try so hard to be like the ‘others’. What society defines as ‘normal’. But sadly it isn’t easy at all. Everyday is a battle we fight with ourselves. And usually in the end, we lose.
You see? When an introvert falls in love, it doesn’t usually end well.
                                     ~fin~

The Underdog

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Dear School,

 

Scored 96%. Praises all around me. Hugs and pats on the back. Toasting to my bright future.

Proud of me now, yeah?

What about those times when I was a disgrace?

What about those times when I wasn’t enough?

What about those times when I was a failure?

What about those times when I was a disappointment?

What about those times when I was not worth it?

What about those times when my future was darker than a stormy sky?

What about those times when I was invisible?

What about those times when I was a liar?

What about those times when I was useless?

 

You want to celebrate with me now, because I finally succeeded?

Well guess what? I can see through your mask. You’re shocked and flabbergasted.

How did I do it? How did I score such marks?

Yeah, well I worked really hard. And none of you helped me. So the credit is mine. All mine. I’d told you that one day I would prove you wrong and that day you’ll regret your words. But no one listened to me.

See? I kept my promise. My name is now on everyone’s lips. I outperformed almost everyone. Unexpected yes? Only because no one believed in me.

The world is a selfish place, I learned. That’s why my spite for the world was what motivated me to show them all. Show them what I’m made of. And I did. And I’m proud. So proud. I deserve this. But you don’t deserve to congratulate me now.

You weren’t with me during my failures, so I don’t want you with me during my success.

 

Yours sincerely,

The Underdog.

 

~fin~

Insecurities.

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People make fun of things youre insecure about and they expect you to laugh it off? Do they seriously think it doesn’t hurt you? Just because they did it for fun? Yes it still hurts. A lot.

It’s something you already overthink about. You already criticize yourself over it. And they think ‘it’s JUST a joke’ that’s why you won’t mind? Well newsflash! Teasing someone about something they’re insecure about is NOT funny. It’s not a joke to them. And that doesn’t mean that they’re a spoilsport. It’s an INSECURITY. Which means they are already not proud of that thing. So why drag it out in the open? It is only gonna humiliate them.

So think before you speak.
Something thats funny to you might not be so for others.

~fin~

Move on

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“Move on”

Those two words now seem meaningless because of the infinite times they have been uttered in the span of a few years.

I don’t even know what it means anymore.

What does moving on mean?

Do you start a new relationship?

Do you feel numb?

Do you act like it didn’t happen?

Do you just start over and reinvent yourself?

What?

Move on?

And have you moved on if sometimes you still feel hurt?

Have you moved on if sometimes you still have breakdowns?

Have you moved on if sometimes it still comes back to you?

How do you know if you have completed the process of moving on?

Does anyone even know when you have actually and properly moved on?

Or does everything work on assumptions of what moving on should be?

What is the definition of moving on?

Do you act like the past has never happened?

Or do you embrace the past and treat it as a closed book of memories?

Do you forgive and forget and look forward to the future?

Or do you learn to adjust yourself to the pain of today?

And what are the rules of moving on?

Do you act like that person does not exist?

Or do you try to be ‘friends’?

Do you act like your love has been transformed into hatred even though you know that can never be?

Or do you simply forget about that person?

Can you?

What about the years you spent in your ‘breakup phase’?

Do you act like they don’t exist either?

Do you forget them too?

Do you try to make peace with that time period?

Do you profess your hatred towards it?

Or do you feel like those were years wasted on nothing?

What about closure?

How do you get that?

Do you talk it out?

Do you fight it out?

Do you make peace?

But what if you can’t?

Do you still get closure?

Is there another way?

Will you ever be able to forget everything that person made you feel?

Do you suppress all those feelings deep inside?

Do you forget them too?

Can you?

 

Dear people who preach about moving on,

Please answer these questions and then you can tell us to let it go.

Sincerely,

The heartbroken.

~fin~

Two Little Hearts

((dedicated to the girl who has been with me through it all. i love you.))

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Two little hearts

Got bound together

Friendship is what

They called it then

Some tried their best

To break them apart

Tears, lies and hurt

But no one could stop

Those two little hearts

From finding their way

Back to each other

Years passed away

And those two little hearts

Grew against the atrocities

Of the world

They faced it together

Hand in hand

As those two little hearts

Made each other stronger

When the day had come

For life to change its course

The two little hearts

Made a promise

Nothing can ever

Come between them

Nothing can ever

Lead them astray

For those two little hearts

Had long ago realized

Sisterhood is what it was

That tied them together

And that bond was

Unbreakable to others

Come what may

Those two little hearts

Would continue beating

Together

Until their last breath.

~fin~

After 6 years

i love you xxx

Music Ritu

t had been 6 years. Me and my best friend had planned this 6 years ago, but due to many reason’s we couldn’t make it happen. We had planned it when every girl was obsessed with Hannah Montana, so were we. Both us could find the story to be just us. We used to sing songs, write songs. That was the best time of my life. We even bought Hannah Montana merchandises, it was then when we planned for a Miley-Lily kind of a day together. Unluckily the next year, we grew apart. For no reason, both us were angry on each other. Still, i missed her like hell. She was the only one to whom i could tell all my secrets. It wasn’t easy for me to be apart from her. I only know how much i had to battle with my emotions. But if love is great, you…

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Once Upon A Time

((Dedicated to my long lost love. I miss you. Rest in peace.))

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Once upon a time

A boy loved a girl

And she did too

Everyone said

They were meant to be

Two halves

Of one heart

Making each other

Complete.

 

Once upon a time

A boy left a girl

And entered

The doors of heaven

Breaking her

Into a million pieces

Two halves

Never to be united

Again.

~fin~

Let it go

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I have grown

As time passed

My hatred towards him

Dwindling down

Or so I thought

But there were moments

When I couldn’t help it

But the bitterness

Just seeped in

It weighed me down

Crushing my whole being

And plunging me

Into darkness

Sometimes I thought

I had moved on

Other times I secretly cried

Said it was over

But the mention of his name

Brought it all back again

Now I’m on the verge

Of a new beginning

And perhaps it’s time

To let it go

A part of my heart will

Always hold on

But I can’t have him

As the centre

Of my universe

Anymore

It’s time

To let it go

I have to close my eyes

And not think it over

He was long gone

Even when we were

Together

And it’s time

To let it go

Time can heal

The wounds of love

But resentment

Will keep hurting

Stop and ponder

Is it worth it

To be damaged

Continuously

Thus it’s time

To let it go

No more moping

In the sorrows of the past

There’s a new light

In my life

A ray of hope

I have to reach it

And for that

I must

Let it go.

~fin~

Future

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Future.

It’s a terrifying word.

It depicts the unknown.

And that’s what makes it so scary.

No one can predict the future.

No one can change it.

Until it becomes the present.

You don’t know what is going to happen.

You don’t know if your dreams will be crushed or fulfilled.

You don’t know if it will bring luck or misfortunes.

You don’t know if it will bring love or heartbreak.

You don’t know if it will bring friendships or enmities.

You don’t know if it will bring success or rejection.

You don’t know anything, really.

So you’re left in the darkness, surrounded by shadows of doubt and uncertainty.

Only time can answer.

All you can do is wait.

~fin~

Disheartened.

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Its hard getting by weeks after weeks, all the while doubting everything. And soon you realize that there are no hopes for you to live up to. The people who are supposed to be your family have already given up. They’re just waiting for this business to be over so that they can just make up lies to whoever asks about you. Your hard work is never good enough for them. They will always want more. Even if you get praised by others, they still aren’t impressed. They will act like it. Put on a facade. But by their facial expressions you can already tell how disappointed they are. You hear their whispers behind your back. You are not growing up to their expectations. You are not and will never be the perfect child. Well, they already have a perfect child, so why would they even have any hopes regarding you? You are messed up. You are broken. You are not worth it. No true praise ever left their lips for you.

Lies. Lies. Lies. All lies. They never truly believe that you would ever amount to something great. Well your definition and their definition of ‘great’ differs quite a lot. So why are you even bothering with it? What’s the use of stressing yourself out? What’s the use of night after night spent sleepless, worrying about the next test? What’s the use studying until you are physically and mentally sick? What’s the use in losing friends because you’re too wrapped up in trying to impress them?

But then you know deep down that you already have lost a lot of important people because of your strive to become the perfect child. You know deep down that it was all in vain. You know deep down that its over, the damages incurred cannot be mended anymore. You are completely disheartened and questioning all your worthless efforts.

So what do you do?

What can you do?

No answer?

Well that’s the answer itself.

 

Nothing.

~fin~