Nostalgia

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Nostalgia lingers in my mind

The mention of your name

Brings it all back again

Memories of our past

How long are they supposed to last?

Longing lingers in my soul

My heart now begs to be whole

Once again, to be with you

Hoping you’ll feel the same this time, too

How am I supposed to let this go?

Moving on didn’t seem so hard

But then you left and everything fell apart

Now I’m here with the pieces all around

Some have been lost and not found

How am I supposed to leave you behind?

You’ve been a part of my being

From the very beginning, it does seem

Maybe we were never meant to be

But then these feelings come back to me

How am I supposed to keep away?

Wondering forever why you didn’t stay.

It’s said to be better to have loved and lost

But how can I agree when it was my heart that you tossed?

Left alone in the dust, my feelings were accursed

Never did I learn to put myself first

Maybe requited love is only found in legends and ‘lore

The hopeful part of me is now no more

The time has come darling; it’s your turn to respond

How can I move on after having my feelings pawned?

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Matchmaker Matchmaker

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Matchmaker Matchmaker
Make me a match
Fill my head with lies
Tell me he’s a catch.

Matchmaker Matchmaker
Let him steal my heart
Whisper in my ear
About how we are to never part.

Matchmaker Matchmaker
When he crushes my soul
Help me through my regret
And the longing to be whole.

Matchmaker Matchmaker
When I take him back
Blind my eyes to his faults again
Do not let his façade crack.

Matchmaker Matchmaker
Let him rip me apart
For from those bitter memories
My fingers will compose art.

Matchmaker Matchmaker
Then accept my gratitude
For giving me a muse
And then whisking him away too.

Matchmaker Matchmaker
When the true one comes along
My broken spirit will not give in
Let him stay and prove me wrong.

Matchmaker Matchmaker
When it all ends well
You’ll know I’d have
Escaped my personal hell.

Matchmaker Matchmaker
That’ll be the worthy match
When my heart will finally
Earn it’s mending patch.

Again (and again).

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It’s been raining in my heart

Not stopping till everything falls apart

All over, again and again

It’s been storming in my mind

Rush of words unkind

Feeling the stabbing pain, again and again

It’s been trembling in my fingers

Feelings of nostalgia that lingers

Reminiscing tales untold, again and again

It’s been burning in my skin

Those demons are out to win

Darkness consuming, again and again

It’s been dying in my soul

What had once been whole

Now shattering into pieces, again and again

It’s been destroying me inside

Thoughts that I hide

Trying to end it all, again and again.

The Other Side

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Honestly,

In the end

I just want to

Be a good person

That’s all

I ever really

Wanted to be.

 

And maybe

To one day

Finally

Be at peace

With myself

Be happy

With myself

Like and love myself,

Just enough, or

Just a little more.

 

To stare

Into the mirror

And be satisfied

Be proud of,

And be content

At last

With who I see

On the other side.

 

Ode to the Soul

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Fade away into the night

Extinguishing the fearsome light

The darkness consumes

The mind presumes

What of life? Tis but an illusion

The grandeur of falsities

Wander around the memories

What of nature? Tis but a facade

Nothing but a shadow of persecution

Unchartered emotions and pitiful allusion

What of ambition? Tis but a winding path

Of harrowing quests and hardships

Losing the meaning of words expelled from lips

Look away, oh dear thoughts

Can’t bear to face the reality

Transcend into tranquility

Seemingly the only option

When questioning escape

From it all

The smoke ignites

The lonliness

The fear

The doubt

The realization

Of failure unsound

Of unfulfilled promises

Engulfing the mind

In a sphere of permanence

Fight on

Move on

Forward and beyond

But what of your heart?

Being crushed under it all

Fearing the next fall

Until the very last breath

Freedom only being plausible in death.

 

An Introvert In Love


Late night rant –  •An Introvert In Love•

Love isn’t how movies portray it. You don’t always find your knight in shining armour, and even if you do, it does not take just one song for him to fall in love with you. Nor does he magically begin to notice the girl who blends into the background.

Love isn’t all sunshine and romance, for everyone. Sometimes it’s thunder and lightening. Sometimes it’s cold and harsh.

And when an introvert falls in love, she falls hard. A chaotic, mind-numbing and all-consuming love. When you are used to the solitude and the silence, the sudden burst of colour in your black and white world is difficult to adapt to. But that doesn’t stop you from diving into the rainbow of feelings. And it doesn’t end there. For when you can’t bring yourself to confess to that very person, the feeling of being in the dark begins to haunt you.

The ‘what if’s and ‘what not’s cause you to spend sleepless nights. You begin to doubt yourself. Of course the love isn’t going to be reciprocated. I mean, why would it be? You’re you. You can’t even manage to say a few words to that person. Even the sound of their name makes your hands shake and butterflies flutter your stomach. Your heart begins a relay race. So how could you handle talking to them? You can’t. And how could they handle loving someone like you? They can’t.
Most people don’t understand how hard it is. They think introverts can just ‘get over it’, ‘just be confident’, ‘try this’ or ‘try that’. I wish it was that easy. I really do. Maybe then, we wouldn’t have to try so hard to be like the ‘others’. What society defines as ‘normal’. But sadly it isn’t easy at all. Everyday is a battle we fight with ourselves. And usually in the end, we lose.
You see? When an introvert falls in love, it doesn’t usually end well.
                                     ~fin~

The Underdog

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Dear School,

 

Scored 96%. Praises all around me. Hugs and pats on the back. Toasting to my bright future.

Proud of me now, yeah?

What about those times when I was a disgrace?

What about those times when I wasn’t enough?

What about those times when I was a failure?

What about those times when I was a disappointment?

What about those times when I was not worth it?

What about those times when my future was darker than a stormy sky?

What about those times when I was invisible?

What about those times when I was a liar?

What about those times when I was useless?

 

You want to celebrate with me now, because I finally succeeded?

Well guess what? I can see through your mask. You’re shocked and flabbergasted.

How did I do it? How did I score such marks?

Yeah, well I worked really hard. And none of you helped me. So the credit is mine. All mine. I’d told you that one day I would prove you wrong and that day you’ll regret your words. But no one listened to me.

See? I kept my promise. My name is now on everyone’s lips. I outperformed almost everyone. Unexpected yes? Only because no one believed in me.

The world is a selfish place, I learned. That’s why my spite for the world was what motivated me to show them all. Show them what I’m made of. And I did. And I’m proud. So proud. I deserve this. But you don’t deserve to congratulate me now.

You weren’t with me during my failures, so I don’t want you with me during my success.

 

Yours sincerely,

The Underdog.

 

~fin~

Move on

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“Move on”

Those two words now seem meaningless because of the infinite times they have been uttered in the span of a few years.

I don’t even know what it means anymore.

What does moving on mean?

Do you start a new relationship?

Do you feel numb?

Do you act like it didn’t happen?

Do you just start over and reinvent yourself?

What?

Move on?

And have you moved on if sometimes you still feel hurt?

Have you moved on if sometimes you still have breakdowns?

Have you moved on if sometimes it still comes back to you?

How do you know if you have completed the process of moving on?

Does anyone even know when you have actually and properly moved on?

Or does everything work on assumptions of what moving on should be?

What is the definition of moving on?

Do you act like the past has never happened?

Or do you embrace the past and treat it as a closed book of memories?

Do you forgive and forget and look forward to the future?

Or do you learn to adjust yourself to the pain of today?

And what are the rules of moving on?

Do you act like that person does not exist?

Or do you try to be ‘friends’?

Do you act like your love has been transformed into hatred even though you know that can never be?

Or do you simply forget about that person?

Can you?

What about the years you spent in your ‘breakup phase’?

Do you act like they don’t exist either?

Do you forget them too?

Do you try to make peace with that time period?

Do you profess your hatred towards it?

Or do you feel like those were years wasted on nothing?

What about closure?

How do you get that?

Do you talk it out?

Do you fight it out?

Do you make peace?

But what if you can’t?

Do you still get closure?

Is there another way?

Will you ever be able to forget everything that person made you feel?

Do you suppress all those feelings deep inside?

Do you forget them too?

Can you?

 

Dear people who preach about moving on,

Please answer these questions and then you can tell us to let it go.

Sincerely,

The heartbroken.

~fin~

Two Little Hearts

((dedicated to the girl who has been with me through it all. i love you.))

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Two little hearts

Got bound together

Friendship is what

They called it then

Some tried their best

To break them apart

Tears, lies and hurt

But no one could stop

Those two little hearts

From finding their way

Back to each other

Years passed away

And those two little hearts

Grew against the atrocities

Of the world

They faced it together

Hand in hand

As those two little hearts

Made each other stronger

When the day had come

For life to change its course

The two little hearts

Made a promise

Nothing can ever

Come between them

Nothing can ever

Lead them astray

For those two little hearts

Had long ago realized

Sisterhood is what it was

That tied them together

And that bond was

Unbreakable to others

Come what may

Those two little hearts

Would continue beating

Together

Until their last breath.

~fin~