Nostalgia lingers in my mind
The mention of your name
Brings it all back again
Memories of our past
How long are they supposed to last?
Longing lingers in my soul
My heart now begs to be whole
Once again, to be with you
Hoping you’ll feel the same this time, too
How am I supposed to let this go?
Moving on didn’t seem so hard
But then you left and everything fell apart
Now I’m here with the pieces all around
Some have been lost and not found
How am I supposed to leave you behind?
You’ve been a part of my being
From the very beginning, it does seem
Maybe we were never meant to be
But then these feelings come back to me
How am I supposed to keep away?
Wondering forever why you didn’t stay.
It’s said to be better to have loved and lost
But how can I agree when it was my heart that you tossed?
Left alone in the dust, my feelings were accursed
Never did I learn to put myself first
Maybe requited love is only found in legends and ‘lore
The hopeful part of me is now no more
The time has come darling; it’s your turn to respond
How can I move on after having my feelings pawned?
Make me a match
Fill my head with lies
Tell me he’s a catch.
Let him steal my heart
Whisper in my ear
About how we are to never part.
When he crushes my soul
Help me through my regret
And the longing to be whole.
When I take him back
Blind my eyes to his faults again
Do not let his façade crack.
Let him rip me apart
For from those bitter memories
My fingers will compose art.
Then accept my gratitude
For giving me a muse
And then whisking him away too.
When the true one comes along
My broken spirit will not give in
Let him stay and prove me wrong.
When it all ends well
You’ll know I’d have
Escaped my personal hell.
That’ll be the worthy match
When my heart will finally
Earn it’s mending patch.
It’s been raining in my heart
Not stopping till everything falls apart
All over, again and again
It’s been storming in my mind
Rush of words unkind
Feeling the stabbing pain, again and again
It’s been trembling in my fingers
Feelings of nostalgia that lingers
Reminiscing tales untold, again and again
It’s been burning in my skin
Those demons are out to win
Darkness consuming, again and again
It’s been dying in my soul
What had once been whole
Now shattering into pieces, again and again
It’s been destroying me inside
Thoughts that I hide
Trying to end it all, again and again.
In the end
I just want to
Be a good person
I ever really
Wanted to be.
To one day
Be at peace
Like and love myself,
Just enough, or
Just a little more.
Into the mirror
And be satisfied
Be proud of,
And be content
With who I see
On the other side.
Fade away into the night
Extinguishing the fearsome light
The darkness consumes
The mind presumes
What of life? Tis but an illusion
The grandeur of falsities
Wander around the memories
What of nature? Tis but a facade
Nothing but a shadow of persecution
Unchartered emotions and pitiful allusion
What of ambition? Tis but a winding path
Of harrowing quests and hardships
Losing the meaning of words expelled from lips
Look away, oh dear thoughts
Can’t bear to face the reality
Transcend into tranquility
Seemingly the only option
When questioning escape
From it all
The smoke ignites
Of failure unsound
Of unfulfilled promises
Engulfing the mind
In a sphere of permanence
Forward and beyond
But what of your heart?
Being crushed under it all
Fearing the next fall
Until the very last breath
Freedom only being plausible in death.
Love isn’t how movies portray it. You don’t always find your knight in shining armour, and even if you do, it does not take just one song for him to fall in love with you. Nor does he magically begin to notice the girl who blends into the background.
Love isn’t all sunshine and romance, for everyone. Sometimes it’s thunder and lightening. Sometimes it’s cold and harsh.
And when an introvert falls in love, she falls hard. A chaotic, mind-numbing and all-consuming love. When you are used to the solitude and the silence, the sudden burst of colour in your black and white world is difficult to adapt to. But that doesn’t stop you from diving into the rainbow of feelings. And it doesn’t end there. For when you can’t bring yourself to confess to that very person, the feeling of being in the dark begins to haunt you.
The ‘what if’s and ‘what not’s cause you to spend sleepless nights. You begin to doubt yourself. Of course the love isn’t going to be reciprocated. I mean, why would it be? You’re you. You can’t even manage to say a few words to that person. Even the sound of their name makes your hands shake and butterflies flutter your stomach. Your heart begins a relay race. So how could you handle talking to them? You can’t. And how could they handle loving someone like you? They can’t.
Most people don’t understand how hard it is. They think introverts can just ‘get over it’, ‘just be confident’, ‘try this’ or ‘try that’. I wish it was that easy. I really do. Maybe then, we wouldn’t have to try so hard to be like the ‘others’. What society defines as ‘normal’. But sadly it isn’t easy at all. Everyday is a battle we fight with ourselves. And usually in the end, we lose.
You see? When an introvert falls in love, it doesn’t usually end well.
Scored 96%. Praises all around me. Hugs and pats on the back. Toasting to my bright future.
Proud of me now, yeah?
What about those times when I was a disgrace?
What about those times when I wasn’t enough?
What about those times when I was a failure?
What about those times when I was a disappointment?
What about those times when I was not worth it?
What about those times when my future was darker than a stormy sky?
What about those times when I was invisible?
What about those times when I was a liar?
What about those times when I was useless?
You want to celebrate with me now, because I finally succeeded?
Well guess what? I can see through your mask. You’re shocked and flabbergasted.
How did I do it? How did I score such marks?
Yeah, well I worked really hard. And none of you helped me. So the credit is mine. All mine. I’d told you that one day I would prove you wrong and that day you’ll regret your words. But no one listened to me.
See? I kept my promise. My name is now on everyone’s lips. I outperformed almost everyone. Unexpected yes? Only because no one believed in me.
The world is a selfish place, I learned. That’s why my spite for the world was what motivated me to show them all. Show them what I’m made of. And I did. And I’m proud. So proud. I deserve this. But you don’t deserve to congratulate me now.
You weren’t with me during my failures, so I don’t want you with me during my success.
Those two words now seem meaningless because of the infinite times they have been uttered in the span of a few years.
I don’t even know what it means anymore.
What does moving on mean?
Do you start a new relationship?
Do you feel numb?
Do you act like it didn’t happen?
Do you just start over and reinvent yourself?
And have you moved on if sometimes you still feel hurt?
Have you moved on if sometimes you still have breakdowns?
Have you moved on if sometimes it still comes back to you?
How do you know if you have completed the process of moving on?
Does anyone even know when you have actually and properly moved on?
Or does everything work on assumptions of what moving on should be?
What is the definition of moving on?
Do you act like the past has never happened?
Or do you embrace the past and treat it as a closed book of memories?
Do you forgive and forget and look forward to the future?
Or do you learn to adjust yourself to the pain of today?
And what are the rules of moving on?
Do you act like that person does not exist?
Or do you try to be ‘friends’?
Do you act like your love has been transformed into hatred even though you know that can never be?
Or do you simply forget about that person?
What about the years you spent in your ‘breakup phase’?
Do you act like they don’t exist either?
Do you forget them too?
Do you try to make peace with that time period?
Do you profess your hatred towards it?
Or do you feel like those were years wasted on nothing?
What about closure?
How do you get that?
Do you talk it out?
Do you fight it out?
Do you make peace?
But what if you can’t?
Do you still get closure?
Is there another way?
Will you ever be able to forget everything that person made you feel?
Do you suppress all those feelings deep inside?
Do you forget them too?
Dear people who preach about moving on,
Please answer these questions and then you can tell us to let it go.